Three Years Ago Today

I remember exactly where I was, what I was wearing, and who I was with when I received the call that my Dad had passed away.  I remember everything about that horrible day in detail.  Just recalling all of this even brings back the same feelings of anxiety.  Jacob and I were at his brother's wedding and the ceremony had just ended.  Jacob was taking pictures and I reached for my cell phone to check the time when I saw a flood of text messages and missed calls from my sisters and cousins.  I didn't think much of it and just returned the first missed call on my list.  My sister answered and through her tears all I heard was "It's Dad, you need to come home now.  Dad died."  As I stood there holding my phone I remember everything going silent.  I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't feel anything, and I couldn't breath.  "How could this be?!" I thought.  "I just talked to Dad two days ago and he was fine...he wished me good luck on my job interview (that I was having the day after I spoke to him)...it's Saturday so he's working at the ranch like usual, this can't be possible...how did this happen...why did this happen...is this just a sick joke...what do I do"...I had a million things running through my mind.  I somehow found Jacob and tried to tell him what was happening but as I was saying the words out loud, none of it was making sense.  We rushed out of the wedding and to my apartment  but I remember just crying and not understanding any of it.  I didn't even know what to pack because I couldn't even bring myself to believe that I would be going home to attend my Dad's funeral.  I think I just grabbed whatever I could and threw it in a bag and we got on the road.  That drive was the longest 6 hours of my life.  I had a throbbing headache and my tears just kept flowing.  
Once we got to the funeral home we were told that my Dad suffered a massive heart attack while he was working at the ranch.  They told us that even if someone had been out there with him, there wouldn't have been anything anyone could do.  He died instantly. 
These past three years have been extremely trying on everyone in our family.  We lost the rock and head of our family - how does one rebound from such a tragedy?  Everyday I tell myself that my Dad is in a much better place and is smiling down on us.  I try to not get sad when I look at Nicholas and think how unfortunate it is that he never got to meet my Dad.  I can't help but imagine what could have been.  I know that everything happens for a reason and that God's plan for us is all a mystery.  One of these days all my questions will be answered.  But until then, I remember my amazing Dad and all of the great things he taught me.  I pray he's resting in peace and for courage and strength to understand all of life's heartbreaks.        

Left: family wedding   Right: my 24th birthday fiesta

A thousand times we needed you
A thousand times we cried
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died
A heart of gold stopped beating
two twinkling eyes closed to rest
God broke our hearts to prove he only took the best 
never a day goes by that you’re not in my heart and my soul.

Source: Kimberly N. Chastain     We love you Dad and wish you were here with us every day.